Death’s Doors: Why Does Anyone Want to Die?

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September is Suicide Awareness Month.

Death is a horrible topic. It shouldn’t exist to begin with. Even grieving death hurts deeply. But what happens when you want it, death? When the beauty within yourself turns ugly and all you know is the ashes of broken life?

Logically, we see suicide as the murder of oneself. It goes against common sense. But more than murder, on an emotional and physical level, it’s a soul’s cry of hopeless desperation.

Why would someone want to take their own life?

 The reasons are a million and one, but it comes down to this, the world is not as it should be right now. And encounters with that brokenness that has reached the depths of who we are and escaping the pain of that brokenness can be consuming.

Suicide is like a volcano; the very core and foundation holds the danger. When a volcano goes off, the effect is not only the ash and molten lava, but often earthquakes that accompany and further the destruction.

If you are facing suicide right now, you are not the only one asking if death is the better answer. You are not alone. Reach out. Involve others. Tell a friend. A loved one. Call a counselor. Give your razor blades or other tools to those you love and go to the emergency room. There are responses in the immediate now of what to do in this crisis. There are resources for the long term: friends, prayer if you believe in it (aggravating often, I know), counseling, medications prescribed by medical professionals (to name a few).

If you are facing the loss of one you know and love, I can’t imagine your pain. The world beneath you must be shaken to pieces. You are not alone either. If your loved one is still alive, share how the idea of loss is devastating to you. Know that this battle with death may last a long time, and it’s not because of a lack of love either from you, or for you.

What if they are already gone?

If it’s too late and you’re one of the one’s who lost someone dear, I am so so sorry. I can’t imagine how your world is shaken, how your safe havens must feel fallen around you. Reach out, please do not isolate.  Seek out others who have lost. Journal, draw, create art of some kind and mourn, actively. Your pain matters so much, I have no words.

Suicide awareness must take note not only of those who suffer from the desire to die, but also those who suffer the loss of being close to one so traumatized. We are community, the world lost in pain, and the world losing those in pain. May we know and grow together in the experience that we do not have to be alone in struggle.

If you currently do not feel safe, please call the Suicide Hot-Line: 1-800-273-8255, 911, or head to your nearest Emergency Room now.


 (First Published on 

Jennifer Hunter  | Intern