Tag: childhood

You are sitting on a bench at your local playground. It’s sunny (despite Michigan’s temperamental weather). Your gaze begins to wander and settles on children climbing. They are climbing everywhere. It’s amazing, actually, how many things children can climb on. You further notice how they run, walk, slide down slides, play tag, squeal with delight on swings. Toddlers trundle off in a big, new-to-them world. They seem to take up space with ease; it’s their world, we’re just living in it. They are so sure that they belong wherever they go. Do you have this scene? For me, this imagined space invites lots of emotions: joy, wonder, delight, curiosity, and sadness. Yes, sadness. Because I, as an adult, have a harder time feeling so present and excited and happy and confident of belonging. I have more awareness and more to my story as to why these emotions make sense for me.

What is play, and why does it make sense for all humans of ...

As a father, and former child myself, I’ve been exposed to many animated movies. Some stand out for their entertainment value, while others stand out for their accurate, and oftentimes humorous portrayal of reality. Of the latter, one such movie stands out above the others as a mental health counselor: Inside Out (Disney/Pixar, 2015). While many may be familiar with the film, I have attached a YouTube video of the opening scene; whether or not you’ve seen the movie, I’d encourage you to watch the clip now before reading on, as we will be doing a brief analysis of the clip. 

Meet Riley's Emotions

Okay, now that we are all on the same page, let’s get into it. What should be clear at this point is that the various characters—Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust, and Anger—are anthropomorphic representations of their namesake emotions, each a part of Riley’s internal syste ...

The two biggest factors that influence your present day relationship patterns are: 

1. How you experienced conflict in your family of origin.
2. How/if you received comfort in your family of origin.

Let me illustrate with two versions of the same story, with different endings: 

Version 1: 

Imagine that you’re 5 years old, find a mental picture of yourself at that age. What did your hair look like, what was a favorite outfit that you may have been wearing? Once you have that image, imagine yourself at that age coming back from a family vacation in another state. Your family has already driven 3 hours away from the vacation spot toward home and are getting back in the vehicle after a rest stop. Your parents are trying to help you into the family car when you realize that you left your favorite teddy bear back at your vacation spot. Your comfo ...

A mother and child sit face-to-face, each giving their full attention to the other. As the infant gleefully interacts with her mother through cooing, pointing, and the like, the mother responds by appropriately mirroring the child’s facial expressions, repeating the cooing sound, looking to where she points, and responding verbally. They are in a synchronous dance of mutually delighting in one another—the child leading; the mother responding. Then, for a brief moment, the mother turns her face away. As she turns toward her daughter once again, something has changed—something immediately evident to the child. Where the mother was once smiling and responding to her, the child now sees a stoic, unresponsive face. Could this be another game? The child smiles, knowing this always bring a smile to her mother’s face. Nothing. She coos happily and reaches for her mother’s face—surely this will get mom’s attention! Again, nothing. The mother sits in the presen ...