Category: Assertiveness

The idea of boundaries is one that has been talked about so much in the past few years, many of us throw around the term in our daily conversations. If you need a refresher, a common definition of boundaries is: “guidelines, rules, or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for other people to behave around them and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits.”  

I often discuss the topic of boundaries with clients, yet it is still something that I struggle with navigating in my personal life. I could use this space to share education on the different types of boundaries and the possible impacts of setting boundaries, but instead I’d like to share something that has been meaningful to me. A few years ago I heard a quote by Glennon Doyle that said, “every time you’re given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your dut ...

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I was talking with my daughter recently and she shared with me that she is teaching my granddaughter about setting and respecting physical space limits.  My daughter didn’t use those specific words, but it is essentially what she was referring to.  It reminded me of the importance of setting clear boundaries with others and the important responsibility of keeping and respecting boundaries of others and of ourselves.  It is good to recognize that we all have limitations and recognizing that and putting healthy boundaries up helps us to thrive.

My granddaughter is learning about a physical boundary, but there are other areas we may want to consider when thinking of boundaries.  Areas that I have learned to value and protect with boundaries include financial, time, energy, and emotional boundaries.  These can change as our circumstances change, but it is good to know what boundary I need or want to be in place for the c ...

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When I interact with couples and assess the way that communication happens in their relationship, people will typically be able to identify the problem areas of communication that are aggressive: yelling, verbal tirades, manipulation and control. However, I often find that these instances of aggressive behavior are built upon the foundation of passivity. While these intermittent outbursts can seem to come out of nowhere, they have usually been seething beneath the surface for some time, maybe a long time.

 I’ll give an example:

 

Let’s pretend you agree to meet a friend at a coffee shop and you have a limited window of time that you can be there. You show up on time, get your coffee and sit down. And you wait… 

5 minutes later you text your friend, “I’m here, where you at?”

10 minutes in you give your friend a call.

15 minutes in your friend may come walking in, but rathe ...

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